“I’m not a scratching post and you smell like fish,” Kat grumbled.
It was five in the morning and her feet were under attach once again by the infamous Princess Puffball. This had been going on for nearly two months now, ever since Kat and her father had moved in with her uncle. The kitten never let Kat pet her, but nothing was more tempting than Kat’s toes.
Kat stared at the ceiling while Princess Puffball danced around the edge of the bed. She waited for her next possible attack. Outside Kat’s door, she could hear Uncle Chad frying up nearly a dozen eggs. All of them for himself.
That’s what you get, Kat thought, when your uncle is the size of a Sumo wrestler.
Before this summer, Kat had only seen her uncle on holidays. Each year his muscles seemed to get bigger and bigger. She loved Christmas the most because of sledding. There was no better sledding partner than her three hundred pound uncle. No one has ever felt like they were on a roller coaster in the snow until you rode with Uncle Chad. After that they would go inside and Mom would make hot chocolate.
“Ow,” Kat screamed out.
Princess Puffball had sunk her claws right into Kat’s big toe. Kat grabbed her foot and growled at the little puff of gray fur. She didn’t care if Princess Puffball was only four months old. That kitten was psychotic!
Kat threw the covers off and shuffled into the kitchen.
“Mornin’ there kiddo,” Uncle Chad beamed from over the frying pan. “You’re up early. You coming to train with me this morning?”
“No way,” Kat said.
“How’d you sleep?”
Kat watched a gray ghost slide under the kitchen table.
“I’d be better if little Princess Puff didn’t think my toes were breakfast every morning,” Kat said.
“Aw, she’s just playing with you.”
A small mew came from under the kitchen table. Puff the Destroyer was back for more.
“See, she just wants to be friends,” Uncle Chad said.
“Or treat my toes like baby mice,” Kat mumbled.
She wished she could see Princess Puffball the way her uncle did, but she just couldn’t imagine the little gray kitten as anything but evil. Uncle Chad must have seen her the same way because for some crazy reason he had tattooed Princess Puffball on the inside of his right arm. The kitten, like her uncle, was all muscle. She lifted a huge set of weights over her pretty little head. Kat’s favorite part of the tattoo was the tiny tiara that topped Princess Puffball’s head. She was a four pound killing machine.
Kat laughed. “My uncle is so macho.”
Uncle Chad turned around with an omelet bigger than Kat’s head. He could eat an egg farmer out of business in less than a month.
“What you say there kiddo,” Uncle Chad asked with a mouth full of egg with green and red peppers. It was like watching her uncle mash u pa traffic light. Something which she was almost certain he could do.
“Oh, I said I hope lunch is nachos,” Kat lied.
“Mmm,” Uncle Chad moaned through another bite of omelet. In less than ten seconds he had already demolished half of it.
“Last time I had nachos was when I was about your age. Your dad and I were at a street fair in Fairfax. It was the last day of school and we each had huge class parties. Pizza, ice cream, doughnuts. It was a kid’s dream land. By the time we got to the fair, we were already feeling pretty sick. But you dad begged granddaddy for nachos.”
Uncle Chad began to imitate her father, but the voice sounded more like a little girl’s than her ten year old father.
“But granddaddy it’s only two dollars. We’re going to starve to death. Then how will we ever go to fifth grade?
“He used those big puppy dog eyes and granddaddy gave in. Nachos for everyone. And after we rode this crazy roller coaster it really was nachos for everyone. It looked like a Picasso. Everything in the wrong place.”
Kat already knew she probably wouldn’t be eating breakfast. The whole time Uncle Chad had been telling the story while eating his omelet. Kat liked seafood, but not this kind.
Uncle Chad laughed to himself and went onto his favorite part of the story.
“So when your dad and I would fight over things, I’d be like ‘These are mine, NA-CHOS.’ Hit him like a rock every time! To this day the smell of cheddar cheese throws him for a loop.”
Kat stomached down her breath and gave a forced smile. She looked at the clock. 5:30 am.
“You know, Uncle Chad,” she said. “I think I might try to get some more sleep. Princess Puffball is out here and school doesn’t start for another three hours.”
Uncle Chad stood and rinsed his plate off in the sink.
He may be a giant, Kat thought. But at least he’s a friendly one.
“Well sweet dreams,” Uncle Chad said. “I’m off to bench press some couches. You sure I can’t fix you a protein shake at least?”
“I’ll just grab a Pop-tart with dad,” Kat said.
After that story, there was no way that Kat was eating anything.
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